"There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"
Choices. Life is full of them. Perhaps some of the most difficult of life's' choices happen in the NICU. Saturday, an amazing couple prepared to remove life support from their first born daughter. They had been preparing all week. Family members arrived to cuddle, love and spend time. Aunts and uncles smiled for the camera. Memories captured. The white Christening gown pressed and ready. The Chaplin scheduled for ten o'clock. The funeral home chosen. The casket. The service. The music.
~~~
I introduce myself. I say...hello, my name is Michelle & I will be your nurse today. I try to offer support, compassion, love & freedom to make decisions about the last day of their daughters' life. I try to attend to their needs, knowing what they really want I cannot give them. I admire their courage to make such a selfless decision. I wonder where that comes from...what in ones' life could possibly prepare you to make this choice? I hold back tears & search for words to comfort a father who stares straight into my eyes and says that he wishes it was him in that bed. A father who explains how his life changed the minute he saw his beautiful little girl and how it might be easier if she just looked sick or deformed. But, he explains, she looks perfect and that makes this choice even harder.
~~~
The baby was removed from the ventilator and passed quietly and quickly.
She did not cry or gasp. She was ready.
Her final gift to them was to leave this earth in peace & to help them feel good about the choice.
~~~
The parents were told of a service called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep ....a very very special website that offers infant bereavement photography. They chose to have a photographer come to the hospital and take photo's before, during and after the death. I have worked the NICU for 11 years and have never seen this done before...I have two words...simply awesome. Check out the website for a sample of the incredible work they have done. I must caution you these are bereavement photographs & some are of extremely small/premature babies.
~~~
GOD works in mysterious ways.
When I feel sad & hurt that I do not have a baby of my own, I will choose to remember all of the very special babies that he has entrusted to my care.....
7 comments:
What a wonderful story Michelle, your story reminds us all that sometimes Gods plan for us and work through us can be very painful and hard to understand. You are a wonderful nurse and instrument of God. I know if I was in that position I would pray for love, kindness and a gentle spirit to comfort us through such a rough time - and our answer would be someone like you.
We love you, keep up the great work!
A little scripture that is fitting,
"Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted"..."Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy." Mark 5:4+7
Oh Honey - I agree with Mark - what you do is SO Special!!! Your story was beautiful and well done. It is a very fitting tribute to one who could not tell her own story. We don't know the outcome of what is to be...It is just our job to BE...
Hugs and love always
Love you dear daughter. You make me so proud! You brought tears thinking of Dad and my own loss but joy to know we have three beautiful and caring daughters. Hopefully, this young couple will eventually have the same joy. And as you know, how hard we pray that you too will have that joy.
Love Mom
There are no words...
Shel, you are the best nurse they could have gotten. Sometimes the hardest thing is letting go what you love. miss you (and your job) everyday.
How awesome, you give a perspective from both sides and have an insight few possess
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