42 things about an NICU nurse....

1. You've eaten hamburger patties bigger than most of your patients. 2. You define colors by the color of stool you've seen- i.e.baby poop green/yellow 3. You don't understand why talking about sticking a needle in a baby's head is making other people at the dinner table ill 4. At one time or another have had breast milk, blood, poop or urine on your work clothes 5. You have affectionately called a patient: cletus the fetus, wimpy white boy, troll or FLK (funny lookin' kid) in report 6. You can change your patient's bed linens with one hand while holding your patient in the other 7. You can make an IV arm board out of some 4x4 gauze and tape 8. You've almost caught your hair on fire while in your patient's bed...a.k.a. radiant warmer 9. You've used a sock or a piece of tape for a restraint 10. You check out the scalp veins, cap refill and fontanels on a friend's new baby 11. You use a cotton ball to obtain urine samples 12. You use saran wrap to keep your food fresh and your patient's warm 13. You think all crying babies need Benadryl, Versed or intubation 14. You think the pulse oximeter, CPAP and those crappy no sticking leads were created by the devil 15. You have ever shown a doctor a green residual while they were eating 16. You have obtained a 10cc residual when the patient only gets 1cc 17. You have put an intensive care patient in a swing 18. You don't get excited if your patient has a heart rate of 180 19. You do chest compressions with two fingers 20. Most of your meds come in TB/1cc syringes 21. You prepare your patient's bath water in a 5 inch bowl 22. You draw blood from your patient's heel 23. You use a rubber band for a tourniquet 24. You've seen two complexes on the EKG screen and not been excited-you merely pat your patient on the butt and it's all good 25. Newborn babies look like preschoolers to you 26. You tell people what you do and they think you sit around and rock babies all day 27. When you tell people what you really do they start to cry and/or vomit 28. You have assisted with surgery on your patient in their bed...in the unit 29. You have at one time or another in the heat of frustration threatened to throw your patient in the trashcan or out the window 30. You have considered using duct tape to hold a pacifier in a screaming baby's mouth 31. You have met your patient's father, mother's boyfriend, and husband all in one day 32. When you get excited over a baby's 10g weight gain 33. Patients that you can't hold in one hand are too big for you to take care of 34. When getting blood (or anything else) on your freshly made bed stresses you out more than when it gets on you 35. When you truly believe that your patients listen to you when you're yelling at them from across the room to save themselves because you're busy feeding another baby 36. When your pregnant friends hit 28 weeks you relax, because that's practically term 37. It takes 30 minutes to run a 20 cc bolus 38. You can get away with calling your patients Mr. Crankypants--to their faces 39. You empty catheters into a medicine cup 40. After baths, you get the fun of giving all your patients Mohawks 41. Constant alarming doesn't faze you, but you can't get the lullabies from the mobiles out of your head 42. You have made a mental note that no matter how stupid people are they still know how to get their groove on Jane would like to add: 43. At around 1pm you start thinking.... " Gee, what will I put my vodka in tonight? Orange juice? Oh, used all of that after work last night..... I'll just drink it straight. " 44. You have fantasys of " Parents Only " drinking fountains...... the water contains high concentrations of Haldol, ativan, versed, xanax, prozac and lithium !! Lori would like to add: 45. It is NOT NORMAL to become BFF with your postpartum roommate!